Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Armour's Theatre Presents...

Dipping into the Armour's Meal of the Month File (undated, though the experts of the internet seem to agree that it's from 1950), a collection of savory meat notions, I found that the recipe cards reminded me of these authentic movie posters from the same era. Just try to add these movies to your Netflix queue! What follows is a selection of the meaty movie posters and either the copy from the movie poster or the original voice-over scripts for the film trailers.

The Armours are a family like any other. Mr. Armour is the town's affable fishmonger. Mrs. Armour is an international hand model with exquisite digits. Little Chip Armour is president of McKinley High's philately club, and his older sister Sylvia Armour was voted prettiest in her class. But what their friends and extended family... and each other... don't know is that they are all spies! What you are about to see is classified. Armour's Meal of the Month File: Marie Gifford's Tested Recipes

(STAR SAUSAGES with French Toast Sandwiches)
No one knew what built them or what they meant... Was it some ancient civilization or aliens reaching out for human contact? No one could say... Because only the people of Irrational Fearsville, Nebraska knew that these strange structures even existed! This September, stay away from Glowing Sepulchres!

Scientists speculated that no living organisms could possibly survive in those murky depths... They were wrong! From the people who brought you That Thing From The Ocean Floor, here's The Thing With Eighteen Legs! Coming to a Red Lobster table near you this fall -- It tastes good with those cheddar cheese buns!

(Star Bacon and Chopped Steak Grill on Toasted Round Buns)
Back in those days before he became a legend, they called him Charr Montgomery. Lone Starr Charr. This is his family's oil refinery way out west. It was his grandaddy's land, and then it was his daddy's land. They say everything's bigger out west, but the west wasn't big enough for Charr. When it came time for him to take over, he sold his family's oil to head out to bigger and brighter things in Hollywood. If there's one thing Lone Starr Charr learned, it's to not sell your land before you actually land a movie role. Lone Starr Charr: it'll make Giant seem downright tiny. Based on a book by Edith Ferber, Edna's younger sister.

(sung by a chorus of Welsh children): Look to the end of the rainbow and you shall find him there, Hurry to the edge of the rainbow before he vanishes into thin air (He's rare!)! He has a little frog-like body and he has no hair! Look to the end of the colorful arc and you shall find him there! Cecil, the Happiest Monster!

FRANKS! lights! FRANKS! robots! FRANKS! androids! FRANKS! humanoids! FRANKS! mechanical! FRANKS! brain! FRANKS! Coming soon to a universe near you.

(STAR BACON MEAT ROLL -- Olive Stuffing)
Join the high-spirited adventurers aboard the Nereia in this new sight - sound - and smell extravaganza! Watch as the camera captures the enigmas of the high seas! Hear the gurgling of the ocean waves! Take a whiff of dinner aboard the corsair! Learn from Chef Edward Teach how to prepare this gaping fellow in a step-by-step tutorial that will satisfy every Hungry Buccaneer! Rove the cove then shove in the oven in under 90 minutes (serves 5-6)!

These are only half of the Armour's Theatre movies opening in 2010! Tomorrow you can preview the movies you may anticipate seeing in time for Christmas!