Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Giant Blocks!

North Pole unemployment rates are at an all-time high, according to financial experts, and it has been reported that over 50% of Santa's workers, including his chief toymakers called elves, are scrambling for new jobs after mass lay-offs earlier in the year. So far, there is no consensus on how this will impact the coming holiday season, most notably in the customary dispersal of wrapped playthings. Worried parents are already fearing a backlash from their children. "Santa's double-checked list of good and bad kids is the only thing that keeps my family in line," one mother who would like to remain anonymous divulged to Curly Wurly. The worried mother added, 'if my kids discover that Santa might not even make it to our house this year, I'll have sheer anarchy on my hands!' Experts are already suggesting that it would be good to have a back-up plan in case Santa has to cut back his usual route this year. William E. Whitlock, director of Woman's Day Workshop, offers a plan for a versatile toy that will please every fussy Nancy and Teddy.

Giant Blocks are a miracle toy that just might have put the elves out of business had the failing economy not seen to that first. The blocks can be easily constructed by any handy person from just a few inexpensive materials. Giant Blocks are a patented light-weight cardboard construction that can be safely lifted by small children with only a slight chance of serious injury, but hidden reinforcement inside the blocks ensures it can hold the weight of a person up to 180 pounds! Whitlock will not explain how this can be, but these photos of Nancy and Teddy Whitlock hoisting and climbing on these Giant Blocks cannot be some kind of cruel hoax!

The versatility of Giant Blocks will not be denied. Since each block is hand decorated they can be customized to suit your own child's taste. In a Curly Wurly exclusive, we have a picture of Whitlock's prototype. As you can see, there are block designs for girls (pretty flowers), boys (the masculine 'bricklayers' design), and designs to please the Francophile in every family! Imaginative children can build rudimentary structures, like bartender sets, Japanese tunnels, and hospitals. Immobile vehicles, such as the airplane and the veterinarian's shuttle bus, can also be constructed. Despite the last picture showing a collapsing drawbridge, Whitlock insists that Giant Blocks are completely safe and probably will not lead to permanent injury or death. It seems as if the sky is truly the limit when it comes to Giant Blocks.

Below are photos of Mr. Whitlock's prototype of the Giant Blocks. If you are interested in giving your children a set of these bigger-than-life blocks this Christmas, contact Woman's Day Magazine (please cite issue December 1952) for Mr. Whitlock's plans.

(Note: Contacting Woman's Day will not yield further information on Giant Blocks!)

(Another note: Curly Wurly is officially on that new-fangled time-waster, Twitter. Feel free to follow if you like!)


Lidian said...

This is a most mysterious cardboard product - I am sure that Whitlock and Woman's Day know more than they are telling...

Maria said...

Almost certainly! I suspect a government cover-up.

Barbara said...

Odd, I've never had a problem emailing Woman's Day and asking them for old pages.

Maria said...

Hi Barbara! That comment was a bit tongue-in-cheek! :-D